Starting Sunday we really buckled down on potty training and I am proud to report Braylon had just one accident today! And he already is asking and telling me when he needs to go! I am a proud mommy. The whole "consistency is key" motto is absolutely true! Braylon was probably ready around January and was literally fascinated with the whole concept but got the stomach bug and I'm sure thought "if this is what potty training is about forget it!"
Then we tried again when his interest sparked again, but he was going to two daycare programs while I was finishing up school. The daycare programs were great, they worked with him well but it wasn't consistent it was different bathrooms, toilets, etc. So I kinda let it go and decided that was one of my missions this summer. And so Sunday came and it literally just felt like it was the day to conquer potty training.
As a mom, potty training is somewhat overwhelming. There are numerous methods and tips and tricks. Just like every other decision you have to make being a mother there are people who will judge you based on how you go about potty training. So, please know right now before you read further this is simply the way that worked for my child. By no means am I knocking other methods or saying my way is the correct way. I'm just sharing my experience. I made a promise that I will not judge other moms parenting styles/decisions because we moms need to support each other, we all are on the same basic mission: to be the best moms we can be and raise our kids to be successful members of society.
So like I said we had half heartedly attempted potty training before. I tried a sticker method originally. Braylon was "rewarded" for properly using the bathroom in the toilet by a sticker chart method. He was obsessed with Elmo so it was a Elmo sticker chart complete with Elmo stickers. Interestingly enough I was taking a motivation and emotion class to finish the psychology portion of my degree. And so I literally learned why that failed. Humans have both intrinsic (internal) and extrinsic (external) motivation. We are more likely to do things alone and repeat behavior if we have the intrinsic motivation. We humans like to feel in control of our selves, we like autonomy. External motivation makes us feel like we have no choice. I learned that most reward methods use external motivation, thus make us feel less autonomous. My sticker chart method was utilizing external motivation. The other big problem with external motivation is that eventually you have to increase the reward to get a desired behavior. Here's and example: Eventually one sticker was not enough for Braylon he wanted more, he was not pottying for the sake of pottying, he was doing it to get a sticker. And then one sticker wasn't fulfilling enough.
So, I scratched that method and decided to wait for summer. Braylon was again interested, which is important because it shows he is intrinsically motivated, he wants to potty because he enjoys pottying and feels empowered, independent, and perhaps most importantly, autonomous! So I took him to walmart and we looked at "big boy" underwear. He quickly found ones that had construction equipment that his "da-da" and "po-po" use and wanted those.... And the ones with Thomas the train.... And the ones with trucks like "PoPo". As you can tell he adores his Da-da and PoPo. So we got them and talked about how you have to keep the truck/train/equipment dry etc. He went to bed that night excited to wear his "po-po truck undies" the next day.
So, the next day came and when he woke up I took him out of his pull up and into big boy undies he went. I set an alarm on my phone to go off every 30 minutes and even let him CHOOSE the "potty sound" for the same reason I let him CHOOSE his undies...because I knew he was seeking to be autonomous, to have a say, to feel in control. So every 30 minutes he sat on the toilet and he went almost every time. He had two accidents that first day and was upset about it. He is so sweet, he apologized to "PoPos truck" and his "big train" for not keeping them dry.
Today (Monday) was a great day too. He had one accident. I was nervous because he was going to VBS for the first time, but I knew constincey was key. His teacher said his accident was because she forgot to take him, no big deal. Accidents happen. And then the rest of the day he was fine, even though he used a different potty, he didn't throw a fit ever. He just did it. And then after VBS every 30 minutes we went to "try" and he told me about 3:00 "momma I tell you when I go, my not need to now" and be did and has since! I still ask but he has it all figured out! I am such a proud mom.
Here's some common questions I have been asked about potty training as well as my answers. Again, I am simply sharing these to show what worked for me and my son. If you don't view the matter the same way, it's fine, I respect your views and decisions because we are on the same mission: to raise our children to be the best they can be, etc.
1. Has he asked what his private is? Yes, he went through the obsession stage. I was surprised and not ready for the question, but I told him what it is anatomically called, a penis. I had several reasons for choosing to call it that, one if he ever had a yeast infection, or problem, I want him to adequately communicate what area he is talking about. Another reason is my psychology background. I read numerous articles and publications and they seemed to agree that sexual predators or abusers have "nicknames" for privates parts. It makes since, they don't want the kid to tell so they call the penis "Johnny" or whatever else you can think of. Thus the kid will tell another adult or parent "me and (whoever the offender is) played with Johnny" it sounds like maybe they played with a kid named Johnny. So basically, I want Braylon to be comfortable with the fact that he is a boy and he has a penis and able to communicate properly about it.
2. Is it hard potty training a boy?
Well, I don't know what it is like to potty train a girl but I would not say it's hard to do, it's time consuming and takes patience. It has difficulties, for the obvious difference that as his mom, we don't have the same anatomy and I'm teaching him to use a part that I don't have. I was mainly worried about the aiming issues, but he has never had an issue.
I started him facing the toilet (backwards from the normal way) that way he had more room to go, and it was easier to flush. (Good tip from my soon to be mother in law) and he got to the point where he wanted to sit the right way.
3. Any advice?
Consistency is key. But other than that no, I believe each child is unique and even if I had another child this method may not work. Don't get frustrated, all kids that are capable of potty training will do it, maybe not as soon as you would like but they will. Look around, humans have a internal motivation to potty train!
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